Simply beside herself by Judith Katherine

Simply beside herself is a debut novel by Judith Katherine.  It is a book that explores the loss of identity and agency that can happen to some people within marriage. Two women - a mother and daughter (Elizabeth and Lara) have both lost themselves within their marriages. Elizabeth has moved into a retirement home and on her husband's death begins to feel the effects of loneliness and the ennui that has come about largely due to her own passivity within her marriage and her learned helplessness. Her daughter Lara, caught on the treadmill of life with children and absent husband, has no relationships with anyone and is just as lonely (though loneliness is masked by busyness).

Simply beside herself is an example of a genre which is enjoying a resurgence. This genre is trendily called "Uplit" meaning feel good stories that look at real life and reframe life in a positive way.  Other books in this vein include A man called Ove by Frederick Backman, Elizabeth Strout's novels and The borrowed life of Frederick Fife by Anna Johnston. These novels tend to centre on the lonely outsider who is full of misgivings or a bit obtuse in some ways who by accident or with a little help from others find their way into friendship and belonging. Who amongst us readers cannot relate to that really!

These novels explore unflinchingly the complexities of human relationships and are very clearsighted and empathetic in their descriptions of the interiority of the characters. Hilarious, sad and awkward examples of failed connections between people proliferate through Simply beside herself like, " When she (Ellen) tried to show interest in the others (the mothers' group) it appeared that she was consistently on the outer, putting her foot in it and appearing gauche, so she did the best she could and remained insecure and stressed." 

Some characters are deservedly left behind, some are collected and some are reconnected. Simply beside herself is an enjoyable read with a satisfying but fairly unlikely ending. Heartwarming, astute and perceptive about the minutiae of everyday life and the communication and miscommunication between people, Simply beside herself will make you laugh and also jolt you with familiar truths laid bare. The central characters found reassurance and affirmation and happily, the stupid husband was not totally left out of a future - all dependent on some serious reflection. In this Simply beside herself is not about vindictive people or revenge but rather about people being strong, resilient and true to themselves and inviting into their lives only those people who are life enhancing.

Simply beside herself delivers a great message in an uplifting manner and is an engaging read.

Themes: Aging, Retirement homes, Reclaiming independence, Loneliness, Relationship complexities.

Wendy Jeffrey